The Gift of Adoption
While adoption can be a beautiful and loving act, it is often discouraged because of the stigma surrounding it and because of the intense emotional nature of the subject. Despite this, adoption can be the most amazing gift you can give to a baby. While I cannot say much about statistics surrounding adoption, I would like to share my own personal story concerning the subject. I myself was adopted at birth, and can testify that adoption does not always have to carry such a negative connotation. That in fact, it can be an amazing gift. Placing your baby for adoption can be an incredible act of self-sacrifice, and an act of incredible love. I can’t put myself in the shoes of my birth mother, or anyone who has placed their child for adoption, but I am that child that received the sacrificial love of a woman who wanted better for her child. Adoption was the best thing for me, my birth mother and adoptive parents. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I was adopted at birth, and am now 21 years old and attending the University of Calgary. While we all have many struggles in life, being adopted isn’t one of mine. It has led to me having a comfortable, stable household that I otherwise would not have had.
Growing up, I lived with my mother, father, and sister, and was always in contact with my birth mother. Ever since I can remember, I always knew I was adopted. While I didn’t always understand the complexity of adoption, I always knew that my parents, and my birth-mother loved me very much. This notion, reinforced in my early years, helped me to be secure about my adoption. The fact of my adoption has never bothered me or been something I am ashamed of. I never had to hide the fact that I was adopted; for me, it is part of my story.
When I was about 10-12 years old my birth mother, being more established and having grown herself, decided to start a family. One might think that this would cause jealousy or drama within me and my family, but it didn’t. Growing up, I knew that the most loving thing my birth mother ever did for me was to place me for adoption, and that by doing so, she was making an incredible sacrifice so that I could have the best start to life. She now has 4 kids total, me and 3 other siblings. While I know that not all adopted children would have relationships with their biological family, I am blessed to have a relationship with my birth mother. My adopted family will often visit with my birth mother’s family over the years.
My sister (who I have lived and grown up with) is the biological child to my (adoptive) mom and dad. I have never resented her for this fact and as far as I can tell she has never felt any resentment towards me (except for the usual brother-sister quarrels!) My adoption has not affected us in any way at all. Not with my sister, or with my parents. I am blessed to have the parents that I do. I know not every child who is adopted has the same experience that I have had growing up. There is such a responsibility when adopting a child, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be insanely more difficult or wildly different than having a biological child. My sister and I were raised the same way, and while of course we are very different people with different natures (as many siblings are), we had the same nurture. While I have not adopted a child of my own, and I cannot look at how I was raised from a birds-eye view, adoption in my life was perfectly normal. If you looked inside of my household or at my family, you would never guess I was adopted. When I visit my birth mother and her side of my family, you wouldn’t notice that anything was strange or incredibly different.
When my parents describe the process of adopting me, it sounds quite complex. There is plenty of work to be done and criteria to meet before adopting a child. Every family is vetted over a long period of time to make sure that the baby goes to a financially stable and loving home. While my parents kept up with all of the criteria on this list and underwent regular check ups, it still took them many years before they were at the front of the list for adopting a baby. While the baby’s mother is able to pick the new parents if she wishes, there is also a list a mile long of happy and stable couples looking to adopt babies. Adopting itself is a rigorous process, and the system is designed to help give the baby the best life possible, while also trying to make the process as simple and stress free for the birth mother. The decision to put your child up for adoption is hard enough, and thankfully, there are people along the adoption process that try their best to ensure any possible family for the baby is well-equipped to handle them for their entire life.
When faced with the decision of placing a child for adoption, it can feel overwhelming. While I will never know the experience of being a mother considering the option, I can say as a child born into an adopted home that I am infinitely grateful for my life, and I know many others are as well. Adoption is an immense sacrifice, it takes incredible amounts of strength, trust, and hope. While you may hear that it can be a source of discomfort, despair, and drama, it can actually be a beautiful, caring, and loving act. There is plenty of suffering in the world, but there is also so much opportunity, happiness, and love, and I am forever grateful to be here to experience it. I would encourage anyone pressed with the question of adoption to consider just how powerful adoption can be to turn what seems like a dire circumstance into an amazing life.